Motivational gurus often say that insane people keep repeating the same thing in exactly the same way but expect a different result each time they do it. (Does anyone else here remember those Anthony Robbins infomercials in the ’90s where he describes the fly-on-the-glass-wall analogy?)
So folks, it’s official: I’m insane.
I think the last time I bought a tube of clear mascara was during the last millennium (see, when I’m in denial I conveniently forget the stupid things I do). I simply bought into the marketing hype that everyone NEEDS this product: it supposedly would separate and define lashes, guarantee no raccoon-eye smudges or flakes at the end of the day, and give one a “natural” look. So I bought myself a tube and discovered that there are a few things we can do with clear mascara — but NONE of the things we actually buy mascara for.
I promptly concluded that no-color mascara was the beauty kingdom’s equivalent of the fairytale about the Emperor’s New Clothes and swore I would never find myself admiring something I can’t even see. On myself, at that.
Let me tell you what you can do with clear mascara: You can use it to groom your eyebrows and you can use it as a base under your regular mascara (for more length, definition, and staying power). But if you apply it to your naked lashes and expect to notice any difference, then you must be looking into the mirror too closely.
I bought Maybelline’s Great Lash Mascara in Clear (some folks might say that’s double jeopardy right there), thinking that I could brush it on during days when I didn’t feel like wearing makeup but still wanted some kind of enhancement. Well, here’s the thing — if I’m going to take the trouble to apply clear mascara, I’d might as well spend the same amount of time applying one of the many fabulous mascaras out there that promise to darken, thicken, define, and even curl my lashes. (Go visit Blogdorf Goodman and check out her month-long The Great Mascara Hunt series for a definitive list on the best — and blah — mascaras out in the market today.)
I’m sure someone out there can tell me just why anyone needs to buy clear mascara. I mentioned a couple of product uses earlier, but really now. I mean, you can use hairspray to keep your brows in place (don’t spray it directly, please; spray the product on your brow brush or spoolie first and then use it to groom your brows) and you can also buy mascaras with a primer attached to the opposite end of the wand.
In the meantime I’m feeling like a fly with a really nasty bump and a headache to match.