LV Blog

I started getting acne at the age of twelve. I thought it would stop at sixteen. When I turned sixteen, I thought it would stop at eighteen. When I turned eighteen, I thought it would stop at twenty-one. And here I am, thirty-eight-almost-thirty-nine, and until a few months ago, I still had those damn zits. I never, ever thought they would leave me forever. Never. I tried everything from Clearasil to Proactive to expensive retin-A dermatologist prescriptions. Nothing worked. I ended up with scaly, dry skin. With acne. Yuck. I never had a week where I had less than five or six blemishes, not once in twenty-five years, and many weeks were much worse. Read the rest of this entry »

Things I Wish I Didn’t Know

One of my customers ordered the new Avon Thinner Digital Precision Body Fat and Hydration Scale. Aimee lives alone, in a second-story brown stucco condo facing the west lagoon. I spent an hour with her last month, watching her peruse the latest brochures and handing her samples of wellness products. She sat on a black leather couch with a maroon doily precisely centered on each armrest. Read the rest of this entry »

A couple of weeks ago my Avon delivery boxes contained a sheer plastic bag filled with a few boxes of samples and a rep demo sheet for a new product: The Avon Slim & Sleek Leg Perfector.

Get sexier looking legs! No pantyhose required!

Well, when I read those two lines, I lifted one eyebrow. No pantyhose? As a Southern California earthy crunchy Avon Lady, I don’t wear pantyhose, don’t wear anything but flip flops most days, but sure, I’d like sexier legs. Who wouldn’t? I stuffed the samples in the pockets of my utilikilt and headed out the door with a backpack full of fresh brochures. Read the rest of this entry »

After waxing my Turkish friend’s back, I didn’t think I would ever touch another Avon waxing product. Never say never. Just one week later my delivery boxes contained a slim blue zip-lock bag of the new Avon Skin So Soft Hair Removal Wax Strips. No heating required! Wax already applied to the strips! Wow, looks easy, I thought. I considered giving Ulak the product but was terrified he might lift his shirt and have me apply them like sadistic ripcord stickers. Read the rest of this entry »